Shit Happens: Too Shitty for Work
Shit Happens: Too Shitty for Work Rulebook
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
1 WTF Am I Trying to Accomplish Here?
Be the best at ranking shitty events from the least shitty to the absolute shittiest.
2 What's in the Box?
200 SHITTY SITUATION CARDS; each card depicts a shitty event that has happened, or could happen.
As you'll see, some of the situations on the cards are pretty minor (like a bee sting), and some of them are more problematic (like finding a dead hooker in your bed). Each card has been ranked on our Misery Index.
3 The Misery Index
The Misery Index is our ranking system that runs from 1 to 100.
The Misery Index Demystified: a scale running from 10 to 100, with the example events Enema, Chronic Insomnia, Bankruptcy, and Surgeon amputates wrong leg placed along it.
You may be wondering: how did we rank the cards? Well, we didn't. We asked a panel of serious, highly qualified grown-ups to do it for us. Our panel includes marriage counselors, therapists, career counselors and social workers; collectively representing over 150 YEARS of clinical psychiatric experience. Trust us—they know their shit.
They carefully evaluated each event (even the moronic ones) considering such factors as:
Anxiety level | Emotional trauma | Long-term psychological damage
After these were reviewed, we averaged their scores to create our Misery Index.
4 Card Anatomy
The cards for Shit Happens™ aren't complicated. Each card has:
- Shitty Situation – the event, printed as a short title (example: At Restaurant; Find Condom in Burger).
- Illustration – a picture of the event.
- Misery Index Number – the card's rank on the Misery Index (example: 50).
5 Let's Get This Shit Started
To successfully Play Shit Happens: Spring 2020 Edition, you'll need the following:
- One Shit Happens Deck
- Pen (or a pencil, or a crayon…)
- Paper
- Internet
Whoever has the physical copy of the game is the designated gamemaster. They'll read out the cards to players and line up everyone's Lanes of Pain. Everyone else is still responsible for keeping track of their lane!
Use that handy pen and paper to do this.
The gamemaster shuffles the deck and shows and reads three cards to each player (that means each player has to jot down notes with card scores and descriptions). The remaining cards are the draw pile – aka, the Pile of Shit. The gamemaster will maintain Lanes of Pain for each player.
In a normal world, you place your cards face up on the table in front of you, ranked by the numerical order of the Misery Index. You are building a scale—a scale of woe. We like to call it the LANE OF PAIN. However, it's not a normal world, so get your paper and writing device to rank your cards in numerical order.
Let's get started. The gamemaster draws a card from the draw pile. It's also the gamemaster's responsibility to determine They read the SHITTY SITUATION aloud BUT DOESN'T REVEAL THE MISERY INDEX NUMBER.
To win the card, you DON'T HAVE TO GUESS THE EXACT INDEX NUMBER (which would be, like, impossible). All you have to do is guess ITS PROPER PLACE IN YOUR LANE OF PAIN. In other words, put it in order with the rest of your cards.
For shits and giggles, let's say you have THESE 3 CARDS: Disastrous Haircut (11.5), Root Canal (28.5), and Locked Out of Your House While Naked (36.5), placed in lane areas A, B, C and D.
You are trying to win this card: Catch Your Parents Having Sex.
Hmm...that's a tough one. Where does it belong in your LANE OF PAIN?
If you think catching your parents having sex is LESS AWFUL than a disastrous haircut, indicate area A.
If you think it falls BETWEEN disastrous haircut and root canal, indicate B.
If you think it is WORSE than a root canal, but NOT AS BAD as being locked out of your house while naked, indicate C.
If you think it is WORSE than all three, indicate D.
Drumroll please.
Catching your parents having sex has a Misery Rating of 25.5, so the answer is:
B: BETWEEN DISASTROUS HAIRCUT AND ROOT CANAL
If you GUESSED CORRECTLY, you win the card. Use your writing skills and add it to your LANE OF PAIN and your turn is then over.
If you GUESSED INCORRECTLY, the next player can "steal" the card by guessing where it fits in their LANE OF PAIN. If that player misses, play proceeds clockwise around the screen with each player guessing until someone guesses correctly and wins the card.
If you make through all the players and NONE OF THE PLAYERS GUESSED CORRECTLY, well then... you guys obviously suck. Place the card in the discard pile.
As additional cards are won, the gaps between the cards in your LANE OF PAIN narrow and the game becomes more challenging.
6 Assume the Worst
When considering a SHITTY SITUATION, you should assume the WORST POSSIBLE, yet STILL PLAUSIBLE, scenario. If a card says "Phone falls in toilet", don't assume that you fished it out, did the whole rice thing, and miraculously it still works. No. Your phone is ruined, all your data is lost, and you don't have insurance. Way to go.
7 How to Win
The first player to accumulate 10 shitty event cards wins. Congratulations—you're the King of Shit Mountain!