Halt mal kurz: Das Känguru-Spiel

Halt mal kurz: Das Känguru-Spiel Rulebook

Table of Contents

The Story (Rules Explained as a Conversation)

The Kangaroo, Friedrich-Wilhelm, Kraptoke, Herta and I are sitting at Herta's regulars' table.

"Listen up, you noses," says the Kangaroo, putting a stack of cards on the table. "Marc-Uwe and I have thought up a game for us."

"Oh nice!" says Kraptoke. "Can I join in?"

"No," says the Kangaroo.

"Now let him join in," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Fine," says the Kangaroo. "But I'm only explaining everything once!"

"How long will that take?" asks Herta.

"Stress," says the Kangaroo. "At the start of the game everyone gets stress cards in hand and tries to get rid of them as quickly as possible." It begins with the SETUP.

"Depending on the number of players S, you get a different number of cards K at the start, namely K equals 10 minus S, where S is greater than or equal to 3 and less than or equal to 5."

"Well, I didn't take maths in school," says Friedrich-Wilhelm, "but I would have, if I could have foreseen this."

"You can play the game with three, four or five players," I say. "With three, everyone gets 7 cards, with four everyone gets 6 and with five everyone gets 5 cards."

"I just said that," says the Kangaroo.

One player shuffles the stress cards and then deals them out to all players. The rest of the cards are placed on the table as the draw pile.

"That's the draw pile," I say.

"The Nazi pile?" asks Kraptoke and looks around the room laughing. Nobody laughs.

"In fact you could call it the Nazi pile," says the Kangaroo, "but more on that later."

Turn over the top card of the draw pile and place it next to the pile.

"This is where the discard pile is created," I say. "If the draw pile has been used up, shuffle all the cards of the discard pile except the top one, which stays. The shuffled cards become the new draw pile."

"Wow," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"How now?" asks Herta.

"Good grief, don't look so dumb," says the Kangaroo. "You know this. It's like Mau-Mau or any other well-known card-shedding game."

"Who starts?" asks Kraptoke.

"Uh ...," says the Kangaroo. "Whoever last ate a schnapps praline may start."

"So you start," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Exactly."

"Honestly, I almost think," says Kraptoke, "that you just made up this rule."

"Of course I made it up!" shouts the Kangaroo. "I made up all the rules of the game! Every rule, every law was made up by somebody at some point."

"What about the laws of physics?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm. "Did somebody make those up too?"

"You're getting on my nerves," says the Kangaroo. "In any case: the only relevant division in postmodernism is FUNNY or NOT FUNNY; there are funny stress cards and not-funny stress cards. In addition, every card has a symbol, namely either a kangaroo, a penguin or a small-time artist."

The Kangaroo wants to indicate that one is a kangaroo or a penguin regardless of whether one is born funny or not funny, I say.

"Yes," says the Kangaroo. "There are even supposed to be funny small-time artists, although unfortunately I don't know any personally."

"Tss," I say. "I don't know any funny kangaroo either."

"Very quick-witted," says the Kangaroo. "As I was saying: Play proceeds clockwise, and whoever's turn it is may lay one card from their hand onto the discard pile."

"Any card?" asks Kraptoke.

"No," says the Kangaroo. "Of course the card must have the same symbol or be of the same category as the top card of the discard pile!"

"What does category mean again?" asks Kraptoke.

"Well, FUNNY or NOT FUNNY," says the Kangaroo.

"No," says Kraptoke. "I mean the word category. What does that mean?"

The Kangaroo rolls its eyes.

"Category comes from the ancient Greek for 'property'," I say, "and stands, within a summarizing classification, for a class of things that meet common conditions."

"Ah yes," says Kraptoke. "Right."

"So," says the Kangaroo. "Whoever's turn it is lays down a matching card and then carries out the action printed on the card."

"What happens if I don't have a matching card in hand?" asks Kraptoke.

"IF YOU HAVE NO MATCHING CARD, YOU MUST DRAW A CARD FROM THE DRAW PILE, AND NO, YOU MAY NOT PLAY THAT CARD IMMEDIATELY!"

"I knew you'd be triggered by that," says Kraptoke cheerfully.

"Hey, marsupial, chill," says Friedrich-Wilhelm. "You're being so active-aggressive again."

"Do I have to play if I can play?" asks Herta.

"No," says the Kangaroo. "There is no obligation to play. You are not a laying hen. If you don't want to play, you don't have to. But whenever you cannot or do not want to play, you must draw a card from the draw pile."

"And how do you win?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"What? Uh ... oh yes." "Of course, the winner is whoever has no cards left, so who has got rid of all their stress," says the Kangaroo. "The remaining rules are on the cards. But for the Kraptokes among you I'll introduce them one by one. First there are the FUNNY CARDS. First of all:"

Die Vollversammlung (The General Assembly)

When a general assembly has been called, the players discuss it and then vote on who should give a card to whom.

"What happens if there's no majority?" asks Herta.

"There are five of us," says the Kangaroo. "There can't be a stalemate."

"And if I abstain?" asks Herta.

"I could abstain too," says Kraptoke.

"Then there'd be three of us and again there couldn't be a stalemate."

"Yes, but what if everyone votes only for their own proposal?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"That would also be a stalemate."

"What do you think," asks the Kangaroo, "happens after a general assembly where no majority is found?"

"Nothing?" asks Herta.

"Correct," says the Kangaroo. "If no majority is found, nothing happens."

"What if the last card is a general assembly?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Then you can count on a majority forming that wants to give you another card, dummy. The actions on the cards are carried out in full even if the card laid down should be the last one! That can lead to someone who had almost won not having won after all."

The Kangaroo reaches into its pouch and takes out a few nuts and raisins and puts them in its mouth.

"Do you have trail mix in there?" I ask. "I want some!"

"Come on, come on," says the Kangaroo. "We want to stay politically correct. That's called student mix."

Without handing any over, it shows the next card. On it is:

Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck (Rock-Paper-Scissors)

"You look for an opponent," says the Kangaroo.

"Oda 'ne opponentess," says Herta.

"Thanks. Whoever plays Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck challenges one player to a Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck duel, and the winner gives the loser one of their cards or a card from the draw pile."

"What if ...," begins Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"It is repeated until someone has lost," says the Kangaroo.

"And what about ...," begins Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Well is allowed, unless someone said 'Without well' beforehand," says the Kangaroo.

"And whoever wins must say without fail: 'It is not a game of luck!'" I add.

"How does Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck actually work?" asks Kraptoke.

"Well, you know," says Friedrich-Wilhelm. "You call out 'Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck' and then make one of the symbols scissors, rock or paper with your hand."

"Or well," I say.

"Scissors beats paper and rock beats scissors," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"And paper beats well and well beats scissors and rock," I say.

"That's too high for me," says Kraptoke. "How am I supposed to make scissors with my hand?"

"You use the index and middle finger for the scissors, a fist for the rock and a flat hand for the paper," says the Kangaroo with a sigh.

"For the well you touch the tip of your thumb with the tip of your index finger, so you form a round hole," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

Kraptoke looks at me blankly.

"Just always make rock," I say and make a fist.

"Okay," says Kraptoke, relieved.

"You only said that because you always make paper," the Kangaroo says to me.

"It's just not a game of luck," I say.

"Next card," says the Kangaroo.

Gruppen-Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck (Group Rock-Paper-Scissors)

"What's that supposed to be?" asks Herta.

"Sounds somehow perverse," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"A group Schnick proceeds as follows," says the Kangaroo. "I lay down the card and play Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck against all of you at the same time. Afterwards I get one card from each Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck player I lost against, and then give one card to each player I won against." We'll just try it. Who wants to?

"Me," I call.

"Good," says the Kangaroo. "So Marc-Uwe has played a group Schnick. Here we go: Schnick ... Schnack ..."

"Uh ... uh ... with well!" I call.

"... Schnuck."

I have a well.

"Did I just say 'with well'?" I ask. "That was very dumb."

The Kangaroo has paper. Friedrich-Wilhelm has paper. Herta has paper. Kraptoke has a rock.

"At least," I say.

"So," says the Kangaroo. "Marc-Uwe gets a card from me, Friedrich-Wilhelm and Herta and gives a card to Kraptoke."

"It's not a game of luck," says Herta.

The Kangaroo shows another card:

Halt mal kurz (Hold on a Sec)

"Whoever plays this card," says the Kangaroo, "shuffles their own cards, gives half (if an odd number, rounded down) to someone and says: 'Halt mal kurz.' And does the whole thing face down, so that you yourself don't know which cards you are giving away."

"But then one person has lots of cards and another very few!" says Kraptoke.

"That can change quickly," says the Kangaroo and shows a new card:

Ach - mein, dein ... (Oh - Mine, Yours ...)

"Whoever plays this card simply swaps their complete cards with the cards of one other player and says while doing so: 'Oh - mine, yours ... those are just bourgeois categories.'"

"Can't that be prevented?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Yes, of course," says the Kangaroo. It shows the next card:

Not-to-do-Liste (Not-to-Do List)

"That is a reaction card."

"What can it do?" asks Herta.

"You may throw this card in between, if it fits (same category and/or symbol), as a direct reaction, that is, even out of turn, to make an action directed against you ineffective - even, for example, after an unlucky group Schnick or when a general assembly went badly for you. For this you must say: 'That's on my Not-to-Do List.' Then you must draw a card to replace the Not-to-Do List you laid down. The game then goes on with the person who would regularly have been next."

"Do I really have to say 'That's on my Not-to-Do List'?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm. "Isn't it enough if I lay down the card and - from my side - shake my head?"

The Kangaroo shakes its head.

"Making a clown of yourself is half the fun," says Kraptoke.

"You have to know," says Herta.

"Can I also play the Not-to-Do List quite normally when it's my turn?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Yes," I say. "You may also play the Not-to-Do List normally. Then nothing happens."

"And what's missing now?" asks the Kangaroo and holds up a card in answer, on which is written:

Der Kommunismus (Communism)

"How does communism work?" it asks.

"This question requires a rather complex answer," I say.

"Nonsense," says the Kangaroo. "Communism is very simple. All cards onto the table. Mix. Redistribute."

"How now?" asks Kraptoke.

"Whoever calls out communism," says the Kangaroo, "takes the hand cards of ALL comrades (men and women) to themselves, mixes them and then distributes them again, starting with the person to their left, one card per person at a time, and indeed until the cards are all evenly distributed again."

"I have the feeling communism can get quite annoying when you're the one in front," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"That's why it's introduced so rarely," says Herta.

"Besides, it usually gets abolished quickly," says the Kangaroo. "True communism is rare, so this card appears only once in the game. In return the card has all symbols, so it can be played at any time."

"By the way, communism also dissolves the police," I say.

"But it's equal to the police," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Can I escape the communist redistribution with a Not-to-Do List?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Unfortunately yes," says the Kangaroo. "Then only the cards of the others are redistributed, and you keep your cards unchanged in hand."

"Can I also call out communism myself and then withdraw from the redistribution with a Not-to-Do List?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"No."

"That's not very realistic," says Herta.

"The Not-to-Do List may only be used against cards that the other player has played against you. Never against cards you played yourself."

The Kangaroo sets the funny cards aside.

"Let's come to the NOT-FUNNY CARDS," it says. "The first one would be:"

Der Nazi (The Nazi)

"Whoever sees a Nazi has to ...?"

"Smack him!" shouts Kraptoke.

"Correct," says the Kangaroo. "Best with the flat hand, otherwise it hurts the other person. Whoever smacks the Nazi last gets stress with their local Boxclub, that is, they must draw one card from the draw pile. Whoever laid the card of course doesn't have to smack. And careful! Nazis rarely come alone. Then you have to smack every time. Often there are two or three in a row."

"And what about the anti-Islam demo, or what?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Unfortunately there are always still a few thousand violent Nazis around here," says Herta. "And there are certainly also a few thousand violent Islamists. So if somebody had asked me, I'd have said: let's get both lots together on a large vacant lot and let them go at each other. Understand? Sort of like what's it called when the dorks meet and play Middle Ages?"

"You mean LARP?" I ask. "A live-action role-play?"

"Yes, sort of an Art LARP. Only with real weapons. If the Islamists and the Nazis bash each other's heads in, some are allowed to die for their God and the others for their country ... I mean, that's an immigrant-free, downright classic win-win situation."

"And the rest of the world would have won too," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Right," I say. "So even a win-win-win situation."

"I wouldn't put any police in between either. At most around the outside."

"Speaking of which," says the Kangaroo and holds up another not-funny card:

Die Polizei (The Police)

"Whoever plays the police can demand a random, suspicion-independent intensive check. That means somebody must play with open cards, so lay their cards on the table. The police decides arbitrarily who."

"Whereby someone like our Turkish friend here," Herta points at Friedrich-Wilhelm, "is of course checked randomly, suspicion-independently, more often than, say, Mr. Kleenkünstler or Mr. Kleenhirn."

"Who?" asks Kraptoke.

"By the way, you must play with open cards until somebody else lays a police," I say.

"Then somebody else has to be checked."

"What happens if a Nazi gets hit by mistake instead of a Nazi hitting the police?" asks Kraptoke.

"At first glance they can't always be told apart either," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Whoever hits the police by mistake gets stress," says the Kangaroo. "That means ..."

"You must draw a card," I say.

The Kangaroo nods.

"What happens if you don't hit by mistake, but on purpose?" asks Herta.

The Kangaroo rolls its eyes. "Then too you must draw a card," it says. "Let's come to the last not-funny card."

The Kangaroo holds up a new card:

Der Kapitalismus (Capitalism)

"That was clear," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"As you all know," says the Kangaroo, "the credo of capitalism is: to whoever has, more will be given. Which means: whoever already has the most stress cards must draw 2 more from the draw pile. If several have the most, they must all draw two cards."

"But, but," says Kraptoke. "That's unfair again."

"Quite right," says the Kangaroo. "That's why the card is called 'Capitalism' and not 'Pony Farm'."

"Capitalism is just a classic win-lose situation," says Herta.

"May you actually smack capitalism?" asks Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"You may," I say. "It just doesn't achieve much."

"What's that?" asks Herta.

"I forgot one card," says the Kangaroo and presses it into Friedrich-Wilhelm's hand.

Razupaltuff

"Say, it's nice when you notice you've been properly had," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

"Exactly," says the Kangaroo. "Whoever receives this card must say 'Razupaltuff'. Exception: whoever already gets the card at the start of the game does not have to reveal it." As you may have noticed, this card has no symbol at all. And it is neither funny nor not funny, because this card may not be laid down. You can only pass it on through action cards."

"That means as long as I can't pass it on, I can't win?" asks Herta.

"It almost seems to me as if I'd had this card in my hand all my life," says Friedrich-Wilhelm.

The Kangaroo smiles.

"Well then, let's get started," it says and deals out.

After a minute, it wins through a group Schnick. One paper against three wells and a rock.

"It's not a game of luck," says the Kangaroo.

Die Regeln im Klartext (The Rules in Plain Text)

Spielvorbereitung (Setup)

Shuffle all 60 stress cards. Then deal cards to all players. With 3 players 7 cards each, with 4 players 6 cards each and with 5 players 5 cards each.

Place the rest of the cards as the draw pile face down in the middle. Turn over the top card of the draw pile and place it face up next to the draw pile. The action text on the card is ignored. This is where the discard pile is created.

If the draw pile is used up, shuffle all cards of the discard pile except the top one, which stays. The shuffled cards become the new draw pile.

Whoever last ate a schnapps praline begins. Or simply play Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck to decide who may start.

Das Spiel (The Game)

The players lay one card each in clockwise order. The laid card must match the top card of the discard pile in category (funny or not funny) and/or symbol (kangaroo, penguin, small-time artist). Then the action is carried out, the card is read aloud. The action must always be carried out, even if it was the last card of a player.

Whoever has no matching card in hand or for tactical reasons does not want to lay one, must draw a card from the draw pile. This card may not be laid immediately.

The winner is whoever (after the action has been carried out) has no more cards in hand.

Card Layout

Each card shows (from the card illustration on the rules page): the category (funny / not funny), the symbol, the action, and the explanation of the action. For example, the Halt mal kurz card reads: "Shuffle cards. Give half (rounded down) to someone. Say: 'Halt mal kurz.'"

Witzig-Karten (Funny Cards)

Halt mal kurz (6x)

Shuffle your cards. Count off half face down (if an odd number, rounded down) and give this half to someone else. Say: 'Halt mal kurz'.

Die Vollversammlung (The General Assembly) (6x)

Everyone discusses, makes proposals and then votes on who should give 1 card to whom. If no majority is found, nothing happens.

Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck (6x)

Challenge someone to a duel. Whoever wins gives 1 card to the person who lost. In a stalemate situation you repeat the whole thing until it is clear who of you two has won. Well is allowed, unless nobody said 'Without well' beforehand.

Gruppen-Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck (3x)

You play Schnick-Schnack-Schnuck against everyone at the same time. Whoever beat you gives you 1 card. Then give 1 card to everyone you beat.

Ach - mein, dein ... (3x)

Swap all your cards with the cards of one other player. Say: 'Oh - mine, yours ... those are just bourgeois categories.'

Der Kommunismus (1x)

When you call out communism, you take the hand cards of all players, shuffle them and deal them out again. Starting with the person to your left, deal one card per person in turn, until the cards are all evenly distributed again. Communism dissolves the police, that is, nobody has to play with open cards any more.

Die Not-to-do-Liste (6x)

Lay this card down normally and ignore the action text. Or as a REACTION: Lay this card as an interjection (category and/or symbol must match) to make one of the actions directed against you by others invalid. Say: 'That's on my Not-to-Do List.' Then draw 1 card to replace the Not-to-Do List. The game continues with the person who would have been next in turn. For the Kraptokes: With a Not-to-Do List you can prevent that you must draw cards (Nazi, Police, Capitalism), must receive cards from someone else (Schnicks and Group Schnicks, Halt mal kurz, General Assembly), must swap cards (Oh - mine, yours ...), must play with open cards (Police), or must take part in the redistribution (Communism). Playing a Not-to-Do List ends the negated action. So, for example, the General Assembly cannot look for a new victim if the first Not-to-Do List has been laid.

Nicht-Witzig-Karten (Not-Funny Cards)

Der Nazi (15x)

Whoever sees a Nazi must smack him with the flat hand. Whoever smacks last must draw 1 card from the draw pile. Whoever laid the card of course does not have to smack.

Die Polizei (9x)

Someone must lay their own hand cards open in front of them and play with open cards until the next police is laid. You decide arbitrarily who. It may not, however, be the person who last played openly. All who smacked the police must draw 1 penalty card.

Der Kapitalismus (3x)

Whoever has the most cards must draw 2 more cards. If several have the most cards, they must all draw 2 cards.

Sonderkarte (Special Card)

Razupaltuff (2x)

When you draw one of these cards or have one passed to you, say: 'Razupaltuff'. Exception: You do not have to say anything if you receive it when cards are dealt at the start of the game. This card may not be laid down. You can only pass it on because of action cards.